Friday, December 19, 2008

It’s a bright and sunny day. As I look out of my room window the sky is the bluest I ever seen. Never seen such a blue sky so long liao…how lovely. There is a few pigeons flying here and there. Some of the pigeons cuddle with each other on the neighbour’s rooftop. Even birds also have know of this thing called love. I feel love in the air whenever I think of us together. Nothing can change my love for you. Nothing at all. I want this love to last forever and ever. I don’t want it to end. Dear I can feel you dear. I can feel that you have been thinking of me everytime. I can feel that you concern about me and care about me. The other day when we had a little miscommunication I feeling very sad. We were both very sad. I know you treat our love diary very important. I know you treat everything about me and us very important. I always make you my first priority do you know that. I also feel all those thing is important ok. I know that if I dint use my own words and original words from my heart it wont have any feeling for you. I understand dear I really do. I think I got a bit guo fen when I said “if you don’t like it den I just delete it lo”. I hate myself for saying this cause it really hurt u. dear im really really really regret this cause I made someone I love so much so sad. I so scared of this. I actually know why you angry me or very disappointed in me. I can feel it. Everytime you say something or do something I have use my heart to feel you. I know what your thinking. But im trying my best to tam you. I keep on saying sorry and apologize but u don’t want care about me. I want to explain to u what I thinking but u already put the status there don’t call me nobody home. Whenver I see this thing I very heart pain and hurt. Cause I feel like you want to leave me. I feel like you like don’t like me anymore. When you don’t want to pick up my phone im so scared cause I really scared of losing you. In my mind i cannot live without you. A life without you mean nothing. When you don’t listen to my call I felt so alone. So helpless. So pain cause I have deeply fallen in love with you. It make me no mood to do other things. I don’t know how to make you know that im really in love with you but you have to trust me and believe me that I really do dear dear. Ever since the first time I said to you the 3 words “ I LOVE YOU” I meant it from the bottom of my heart. I said it with my mind and heart , body and soul. There is not a second I said any lie when I said I love you. I really really mean it. Please believe me dear.

Dear, I can feel your love to me dear. I will cherish you and appreciate you. I wont hurt you. I know that day , night time you cant sleep cause of what I did. I really really sorry for my stupid doing. Made you cannot sleep nicely. Can forgive me dear? Actually why I don’t wish for us to quarrel or fight is because I only want the moments to be sweet and loving. I also know you don’t like to quarrel right? It anything can prevent us to quarrel I will do it. Cause I don’t want to risk losing you. You mean everything to me. Dear I know that sometimes you will very fast change emotions. Very fast angry. But I don’t mind. Cause I can ti liang. For a couple to be together and to last to the end we need to have commitment, trust, consideration and love. I don’t blame you for angry to me cause I know you also have feelings. I understand de. i also hope that you will forever love me. Just love me. I will be by yourside through everything ok. I wont so easily give up on you. I really hope you also think the same way. Don’t just don’t bother me or don’t pick up my call. Dear I will show my love to you. I will be the only person you need. To give you support, gu li, zi chi. Wo yao zuo yi ge nen gei ni yi lai de nan peng you. I wont let go of you dear. I promise myself that I wont let go of you. Ever. What ever it takes.

I am unable to control your thoughts and feelings. .but I am able to change them. When you ask me whether you should continue your girl’s thinking. My answer is do your thinking whenever you need to cause it will make you feel more human. If you feel like you have something in your thought or mind you want to tell me im open to it ok. You can tell me anything de.

Last night a lot of things happen. I have a lot of thinking and feelings. But I don’t know whether I should tell you anot. Cause I feeling very sad. I dono is sad or jealous or wat. But my heart feeling very suan and ku. Why r? why am I feeling this I asking myself. When I draw the graph for you I really don’t have mood. I feel just want to off the computer and just go to sleep and not wanting to think of anything. I dono why I feel like this. I am really really happy that you told me that you go out with Erwin. I am really very happy that you care to tell me the truth that you go out with him alone. I know that you dint lie to me and say any bluff me. But whenever I thinking of you with another boy I feel sad. Maybe is because I love you too much. Everything you do I oso can feel. I use all my heart to feel you. Its like your just beside me only. Last night I thought that you wanted us to do together. I know that Erwin said he got problem and that he wants someone to talk to. But howcome he have to take my dear dear le. Why did he have to choose the one I love and care most? Why why why?? I know friends are important. I don’t mind you going with your friends. Its ok if you go out with boys de ..i don’t mind gua. Erm.. haaha I really stupid doing my thinking la… but I just miss you so much dear.. I really do.. I really miss you miss you miss you miss you. I don’t want any other boy to have you or touch you or hug you. I very selfish. I just want you to be with me.

Dear… another one more week. Every day I just thinking of the time faster past so that I can reach the moment I can see you. Everyday I hoping that the day will come nearer so that I can meet you. Just leave 6 more days. Very fast de I tell myself. I just want to be with you and spend time with you. If can don’t sleep. Just hold you and hug you and kiss you. Hug you till you cant breathe. I wont and never will push you away. I will let you hug me never letting go ok.

Dear dear bao bei dear dear… I every day every second is thinking of you. Not one time is not thinking of you. You already made me so in love you . I love this feeling. Dear… I love you with all my breathe and soul.

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