its 12.50pm 06 July 2009...the weather is raining so heavily outside..whole day dint stop rain a bit..im in bp in my house alone..everyone went out d left me here...last night i did a very stupid and silly thing...i got so emotional and simply think...i dono what happen to me...maybe is the loneliness inside of me...or maybe is the long long time that i cannot see u or feel u or touch u... when i receive ur sms saying that you were yamcha with ur frens and u saw my housemates.. i thought that when u saw my housemates only then u will tell me where u were...cause since i so far from u i cant see u dear..i cant noe what u are doing there..who u with...i noe that u will feel very fan and very sien if i everytime also ask u where u are and what u are doing...but ...i just want to noe...i will try to control myself ok...to not ask u so much time...dear dear...i know that u are very suffer that i am not there and you are finding your friends to accompany u and make u happy...but i know that u would go out with guys de...even dan du u also will go out...i pretend that i dont care but i really very unhappy...cause inside i really dont want other guys to be alone with u... dear ..do u noe ma? i actually have no confidence in myself to keep u loving me very strong...but i am trying very very hard dear...to make u feel that i am there with u...make u feel i am near by u...
last night i totally could not sleep cause i know that u are out with 2 guys...i know i should not be like that...i know u also have the freedom to go out with who u want also...but i dont know why i feel like i cant do enough for u...im scared dear...im really really very scared of losing you... i know as more and more days i am not around you...maybe you will feel that dont have me also u can be happy...but i really really very very love you do u noe this?
im very alone here dear...i wish i could just go back to melaka and stay with u forever...
that day when i call u...i just wanted to hear u and talk a while but i feel like u dont want to talk to me anymore...i feel so down and sad...i noe that u feel like we are going to have nothing to talk anymore soon...i dont want ...i really dont want to have nothing to talk to u...
dear...i need your strength for me to go on dear...i cant do this without u dear.. i really cant...
i dint even know whether you got come back last night or not...my brain keep on telling me not to think so much but my heart keep on thinking of u dear...
i very scared that because of us quarrel then u will go out with the 2 guys and dont come home..
dear... i miss u so very much...i just want to hug u and feel u and love u...

just now i just read a very very meaningful story and i feel it dear....

其实很多男孩子都不知道，

女孩子在冲他们发火后自己转过身却在不断啜泣。
实很多男孩子都不知道，

女孩子从来不会真正去生他们的气，因为她是真的喜欢他在乎他。
其实很多男孩子都不知道，女孩子只会对自己喜欢的男生唠唠叨叨，

也只会对自己喜欢的人耍性子。

你要知道，假若她不喜欢你，她根本不会来在乎你关心你，怕你做错事情。

你要知道，假若她不喜欢你，她根本不会对你发火不会冲你撒娇让你哄她，

在别人面前她都是淑女。

你要知道，假若她不喜欢你，你根本就没有本事让她哭泣，

让她即使生气也不会超过2天。

而这一切都只是因为她喜欢你，而这一切都因为你还不够在意她不够懂她。
　　于是，你们时常争吵，你认为她脾气不好，她认为你不够迁就她。

于是，你们总是冷战，你以为她不喜欢你，她以为你不在乎她。

于是，你们总是莫名其妙的彼此错过，也许擦身而过，本身就是一种悲伤着的无奈与幸福。
　　要知道，凄美依然是美的一种，并且美的绚丽悲凉而沧桑，那是更加的美。

因为她喜欢你，所以她偶尔冲你发火，时常对你撒娇。

因为她喜欢你，所以她才会生你的气；

而又因为喜欢你，她才不会去生气很久。

你可知道，每个女孩子的心都是水晶做的，晶莹剔透，但是很容易就碰伤摔碎。

你可知道，每个女孩子都是不设防的，你那么轻易就闯进她的心，走的时候却只留下伤害。她从来都不知道，这个世界上根本没有可以让她哭的人，

因为真正值得她哭的那个根本舍不得让她哭。

她会很矜持，
她会很骄傲，
她会很冷淡，
她总是嘴里说着你走开，心里却一直叫你留下。

你了解女孩吗?
　　请你张开你的耳朵，
也请你打开你的心，
去听她心里真正的呼唤，
而不是她嘴里的口是心非。

她会看着你转身，然后她跟着你转身，当侧身而过的时候，

你看不见她的泪，滂沱在脸上心里。
如果你喜欢她，请你多陪她；
如果你喜欢她，请你多宠她；
如果你喜欢她，请你多让她。
如果你喜欢她，请你去听听她内心的声音，那是呐喊——请拥抱她。
在爱情里，总是彼此伤害，彷佛这样才能证明自己爱得激烈爱到轰轰烈烈。

可是，爱情里没有孰对孰错；

爱情里更加没有你比我多我比你少。

你爱她，她爱你，如此就已经足够。

不要试图让彼此的伤害，让彼此更加脆弱悲伤。

你们彼此相爱，你们需要的是温暖是幸福是甜蜜是快乐，不是伤害。

不要用沉默宣战，不要互不相让，
更不要什么话都不讲就冷漠离去。要知道，你离去的时候，你的眼睛起了雾，她的眼角泛着泪光。

越是安静战火就越深，这是冷战也是彼此的伤害——

无论是怎么的复合，那些伤口曾经存在，抹不去。

请跟她一个拥抱，用你的拥抱去化解她心里的悲伤与眼角的泪水。

她喜欢你，她绝对不会拒绝你的拥抱，她只会害怕你的冷漠转身无声安静。　　　　请记住，相爱的人不要轻易宣战，因为冷战带来的伤害，超出你的预计。

也请记住，只要你喜欢她，没有什么是你接受不了的，

只要你喜欢她，就喜欢她的一切一切。

那么她所有的小性子所有的坏脾气所有的臭毛病，在你眼里都是撒娇。

也请记住，她喜欢你，她需要的不是你真的转身，她嘴里说着的也不是她的真心话。

她只是想你宠她，想你抱她，哪怕，没有道谦。