all i wanted for you

hi dear dear how are u. i know i shouldnt be calling u this anymore but i just cant help it. u noe ma. i miss u so much. i just finish crying only. i know you may be thinking why am i being so silly. i should move on and let go.but i cant.it is so hard u noe. in my heart and in my mind all i every wanted to know was how u were, how u are doing. how is everything going. your performance ok ma? ur dancing ok ma? did u practice hard hard? ur model show went smoothly ma? im so proud of my dear dear that you manage to become model for the show. im so happy for you dear. really so proud of u . but i cant be there to see u go for the model catwalk and fashion show and dancing. im so sorry dear.im really sorry. its not that i dont want to go see u or go support u.is just that i scared of the feelings when i see you. i dono what i will feel and wat i will thinking.i scared i will get hurt more to see u during the IB night.but deep down inside i am very happy for you u noe. i am very support u and am very happy to see u accomplish so much without me. i hope u have are happy with the things u do. i will be happy to see u happy also. everyday i thinking of sms u or call u but i dare not cause i know u will feel very fan of me.annoy me. i dont want all this.so i gan nian just keep to myself and try to rest and sleep.let it pass over.but u noe ma. i really wish that u would just sms me to just ask me how i am only. i just want u to care for me just a little only. im not want anything extra or want u do anyting for me.just a miss call would be enough. dear..i know you wont be reading all the things i write all this. our LD now has become the blog for me only. i feel so sad that each time i think of wat happen on 26 july.this is the day i will never forget and will regret for wat i said to u. i shouldnt have said all those things and i dint mean to break up with u and say that i will leave u u noe. i know u very love me and want to just be with me . i know now that u are happy for me to come find u and see u dear.but i dint appreciate it.its my fault. i blame myself for not giving ourself a chance.i blame myself for being like this and all this happen. if only that day i dint think too much and just sleep and wake up.den we would still be together happy happy. all i wanted for u was to give u xin fu and happiness only. that is all. i miss u so much u noe.i cant hug u or kiss u anymore. i cant know wat ur doing everyday..how u are coping each day. how happy u are everyday. i dint mean to write the post in our LD de i really dint. i misunderstand u and im really sorry dear im really sorry. i should have take time to cool down and tink first but i was very evil. my mind all thinking stupid things. i hate it. i dono why i am like this. i really dono.

i will be strong

im so sorry i wasnt there for you when u need me the most dear. i really so sorry. i just wish i could have a chance to call u my bao bei dear dear once again and i just want to hear u call me silly dear once again. but now i cannot liao. i really wont hear it anymore. dear.. im so sad and so suffering inside. it is my fault and i really wish i have a chance to make things right again. i know you tried ur best to be with me forever and ever but i am the one who dono how to appreciate it and i will misunderstand u and simply simply thinking all the bad bad things. i really need you dear. would u come back to me? would u give me another chance? i need u so badly dear. witout u i cannot do anything.i feel my life is so meaningless. i really dont want to find another girl to replace u.my heart and feel is just be with u only.just only u . u noe ma each time i wake up i hope that i can see ur call or sms but i know i wont see it anymore.cause i know you very zhu zhong the feel de. i only want to care you and give u all the attention u need. but i know that the words u say to me last time now is say to another person d. i just feel very cherish the moments we had together when we were together. how much fun we had together. how sweet we were doing so many things together. play shooting zombie together. watching ghost movie together. eating together. sing K together. Duet together. go beach together. sleep together. remember the superman thing. i miss your laugh dear. i really miss ur voice. everyday i cant hear ur voice i really miss u so much. do you still miss me? u got think of me ma even u buy doing ur assignment? i writing all i feel in LD cause i scared if i find u u will feel very fan and i dont want to hurt u anymore. maybe i just want to protect u and dont want u to get cheated or bully.cause i know bao bei dear dear is very innocent de.will easily emotion de.

do u noe how i feel?

it has been a month liao since we broke up with each other.and i noe u wont see our LD anymore. i dint want all this to happen and i dint expect that it would turn out this way. i love u very much in my heart do you noe? it is very very suffering for me.the pain in my heart still hurts very very much.each time i think of how stupid i was to say all those things to you it makes me feel like shit. i dint mean to say goodbye to you. i never wanted to leave you. cause i really wanted to be with u and have u in my life.i promise u i wont make u cry and wont do anything to hurt u but i did and i understand u wont forgive me and u wont have the feel anymore to be together with me because of the things i said. i too chong dong already and i dint ask u properly first and clarify and understand ur situation and all i did was just scold u and said all those stupid things. now i deserve it and regret but it is too late. it was my fault that i thinking all those things myself. i know i shouldnt. i will remember it de forever in my life. cause it made me realise how much u meant to me and how hurt i made u feel. i know now that u dint betray me, hurt me or wan to break up with me. it is my wrong to say goodbye to u. if i really have a chance to undo my mistakes i will do anything for the chance. im really really really sorry. i hope you can forgive me. do you know that it still hurts so much inside? my heart really really hurt until it wana come out. when i sms u that time to say all those things i crying cause i just want to be with u and i dono why i say all those thing to u .i know now wat i say cannot change the feeling anymore. i dont blame u to be with him cause it is all my fault and i dint appreciate you when i got the chance.. i should have appreciate you more when i was with you. i should have care for you more and listen to you more and change myself. but now you already belong to someone else. ur heart no more with me anymore. i will have to slowly let u go and i will slowly forget you. it is the hardest thing and i will hurt very very badly. everyday i just cry myself to sleep. cant eat properly no mood to do anything. no mood to watch movies no mood to go out with friends.just want to be alone and sleep in my room. i really wish i had a chance to go back to that day to change things. i just hope things will change and be better. im so sorry that i cause so much painess for you im really very sorry. Woan Man, i really very very love you and miss you so much. i dont want to make u feel anoy anymore. i just want you to be happy ok. i just want u to be xin fu.u gave me alot of nice memories. and the things we do together . i really really very happy to be with u. thank u very much for giving me the chance to love u. i will forever remember it in my heart de.i will be strong.

i feel that the feeling will come back like before when we are back together again...cause i noe that it is really very suffer to be apart from me so far away. i am very scared of this to happen do you know. is it because you have friends already that is why u cant have the feeling come back? it is very hurt and sad for me cause it hurts really really deeply, it feels the same way like you felt when you broke up last time...and i tried my best to save this relationship..i really do.. i am already near to you d ..i come to work in melaka as i promised just to be with you...i feel that i can give you a better life if you just give our relationship another chance...dont just throw away what we have gone through so much can? i just know that we can be more happy then before if you just believe. i really se bu de. everytime i think of all the things we did together, all the happy times and sad times i feel that ending it so soon is not what we both want...
is this how you want to end it all? is it really impossible d?
i just want to hear it from you only personally

there is nth else in my heart

i oway ask myself izit i really wanna break with u...i owy jz wait n wait n wait n wait....i dunno i wan to wait till when...to tell u the truth.i jz wanna wait until the time ...the feeling like b4 come bac.but unfortunately....it wont comes bac.....i noe i hurt u very much...but in this moment..i really dun tink v can be togth anymore....not bcz of im still angry u...not because of wat u said in the last post in LD....is because...my heart slowly dun have u.the time u said u wanna disappear in my life...it really does...but i dun1...v cant be couple,but v can be fren...all i wan is jz like tis..so plz dun suffer urself anymore...i noe it is very sad for u,but when time go on,u will find tat this is the best way for u n me.if i still toght with u,i dunno when,this problem will happen again...in tht time,dunno who will be the most suffer one.distance is the threat for u n me...whn u far away frm me....of coure 1st i will miss u like hell...but sonner,i will find my way to survive,in tht time...i will feel tat i dun need u anymore..im so soli to say tht....but....i jz wanna solve all this to reduce our painess....i jz wish..u dun tink anythg wrong...the is no rite or wrong in a relationship....i hope u will get well soon...really...

Hope

Im now in a cybercafe in tanjung kling here near my workplace..which is also near to klebang. cause since my hostel room no internet line i have to come here to online liao.. so cham..how i wish i was in bukit beruang now...so fang bian..what also have..but now i am here need to survive. it seems like this wont be the last message that i will write in our LD..when i read back wat i write last time i really very hurtful. i also dono why i would write such things. so very guo fen lor.i really hate myself so much for writing all those.i have to delete it cause it really very painful for me also. really unable to read it.i dint mean to write all those things dear. can you forgive me? can you give me a chance to make it all right again? I know that you are having hard time doing all the assignments and very busy to do your study. i just want to be there for you when you need me. actually i trust you de that you go out with boy just to study ok. i dint to mean anything else. i will think all this is because i keep on thinking of you and over guan xin ni liao...maybe i too free nothing to do but think of you so i will think alot of nonsense thing. dear you dont have to explain to me ok i believe the truth ok. when i read your reply i really very hate myself for not taking time to ask you further and to understand how you are doing there and what you are going through...it is so very selfish and stupid of me.. i know that ok..i wont blame you for hating me de. i know that there is nothign else for you and sean cause i know you wont do anything hurt me de....i should have taken the time to ask you and listen from you. i will always trust you and believe you de dear. yuan lai you were very happy happy to tell your friends that i will be coming to melaka to work..how sweet for you to din go back seremban just to see me and watch ice age with me.all this i want to know dear. i really want. i dint mean to execute you or not give you any chance. when i said break up is my biggest mistake in my life.i really really so regret to say it u noe.cause in my heart i dint mean to break up with u.cause i will die if i lost you. i really cannot live without u dear. please...i dont want to leave you and i wont disappear from your life and i wont walk far far away from you ...i know everything is i think myself that is why i really hate myself for it. My heart has only you and i willing to do anything for you. i know you dint do anything that betray me or hurt me dear...so i will wait for you ok. i want you back cause i really really love you so much i really do.i hope we can have a chance to be back together again and be sweet sweet. i just waiting for the day cause you told me that we need to give ourself time to calm down but you will find me de. i will be waiting for that day dear. i will wait until the day you come and find me. I miss you so much dear...

i really very love u n miss u....
i jz wanna be stronger....
i jz wanna let myself not so rely on u....
i jz wanna decline ur burdan....
i dunno y will happen all this...
im so soli...
but i really love u n miss u....