all i wanted for you

hi dear dear how are u. i know i shouldnt be calling u this anymore but i just cant help it. u noe ma. i miss u so much. i just finish crying only. i know you may be thinking why am i being so silly. i should move on and let go.but i cant.it is so hard u noe. in my heart and in my mind all i every wanted to know was how u were, how u are doing. how is everything going. your performance ok ma? ur dancing ok ma? did u practice hard hard? ur model show went smoothly ma? im so proud of my dear dear that you manage to become model for the show. im so happy for you dear. really so proud of u . but i cant be there to see u go for the model catwalk and fashion show and dancing. im so sorry dear.im really sorry. its not that i dont want to go see u or go support u.is just that i scared of the feelings when i see you. i dono what i will feel and wat i will thinking.i scared i will get hurt more to see u during the IB night.but deep down inside i am very happy for you u noe. i am very support u and am very happy to see u accomplish so much without me. i hope u have are happy with the things u do. i will be happy to see u happy also. everyday i thinking of sms u or call u but i dare not cause i know u will feel very fan of me.annoy me. i dont want all this.so i gan nian just keep to myself and try to rest and sleep.let it pass over.but u noe ma. i really wish that u would just sms me to just ask me how i am only. i just want u to care for me just a little only. im not want anything extra or want u do anyting for me.just a miss call would be enough. dear..i know you wont be reading all the things i write all this. our LD now has become the blog for me only. i feel so sad that each time i think of wat happen on 26 july.this is the day i will never forget and will regret for wat i said to u. i shouldnt have said all those things and i dint mean to break up with u and say that i will leave u u noe. i know u very love me and want to just be with me . i know now that u are happy for me to come find u and see u dear.but i dint appreciate it.its my fault. i blame myself for not giving ourself a chance.i blame myself for being like this and all this happen. if only that day i dint think too much and just sleep and wake up.den we would still be together happy happy. all i wanted for u was to give u xin fu and happiness only. that is all. i miss u so much u noe.i cant hug u or kiss u anymore. i cant know wat ur doing everyday..how u are coping each day. how happy u are everyday. i dint mean to write the post in our LD de i really dint. i misunderstand u and im really sorry dear im really sorry. i should have take time to cool down and tink first but i was very evil. my mind all thinking stupid things. i hate it. i dono why i am like this. i really dono.